10. “Trick” time clock that advances twice as fast during breaks
9. Require that every group that we donate to spend one hour per person working in the Deli
8. Issue paychecks in Russian Rubles.
7. Call the store an interactive museum and bring in school kids to stock the shelves as part of a full-immersion lesson
6. Put ladders in all aisles and allow customers to pick right off the top decks
5. Hypnotize all associates into believing that it’s 1984 and pay them 1984 wages.
4. Redefine all managers as Food Consultants and adjust pay accordingly.
3. Night Crew (Yes, I know it makes no sense, but it’s tradition)
2. Let shoplifters know that we will allow them to steal one bottle of UV Vodka for every hour that they spend pushing carts
1. Increase labor by generating more sales (naw, that’s too crazy, that’ll never work)
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