Christian Activists Protest Secularisation of Groundhog Day

Goaded by conservative talk show hosts, Christians across the nation have begun boycotting businesses that leave the word "Groundhog" out of their Groundhog Day advertising. Default spokesman The Quite Reverend Sammy Joe Samuels of the Holy and Sanctified Church of the Bleeding Jesus with Faraway Eyes told a throng consisting of out of work former convenience store workers and home schooled kids "If these unbelieving and heathen merchants of the anti-Christ continue to celebrate the advent of the Groundhog, while glorifying the so-called Super Bowl and its attendant commercialization, then we followers of the Truth shall be forced to take our dollars to places that remember the spitit of the season". When counter protesters pointed out that Groundhog Day had its origins in the pagan holiday "Imbolc", and that the whole Groundhog thing itself was not at all related to Christianity, Rev. Samuels began quoting random bible verses and set fire to an effigy of the Target dog.