The Fair is Finally Gone!

Really, who misses the state fair? Lincoln, in its schizophrenic desire to appear both urban and rural, has pretended to support the State Fair, even going as far as to create the fictional character of "Roger Yant" to take the move to Grand Island to court.

While many Lincoln residents say that they will pine for the unique combination of tattoos and missing teeth that always accompanies The Fair, others say that the pressure to eat greasy foods served on dirty wooden sticks always made them uncomfortable. Others expressed relief that they would never again be subjected to a reunion concert by 2/5 of some obscure 80's hair band who had lost their hair and their ability to rock.

Mayor Chris Beutler, another fictional character introduced to push for keeping The Fair in Lincoln, when asked what Lincolnites would use to substitute for the heady aroma of farm animals and watered-down beer, suggested Husker Tailgate parties.