Deer Causes Collision

A two car collision in the central part of the state was, according to The State patrol, caused by a deer. There is some evidence that the deer was drinking alcoholic beverages and had been listening to Ozzie Osbourne. A State Patrol spokesman told reporters that a random roadblock would have saved the deer's life.

Petitions

Petitioners are out on the streets again, collecting signatures to put a bill on the ballot to ban petitioners. Anti-anti-paetioners, with their distinctive mud-brown "Decline to Sign Those But Definitely Sign Ours" T-shirts were a little confused. "So, are we for or against petioners?" whine Rodney Dúmaas, who admitted that he was being paid a dollar fifty for every person who didn't sign. Mitzi Zipipinhed, a spokesperson for the anti-petition petioners, agreed that engaging in the very activity that they want banned causes some cognitive dissonance "But heck", Zipipinhed opined "nobody in this crowd knows what cognitive dissonance means anyway".

Obama Tired of Clinton's Crap

Barack Obama points a finger at Hilary Clinton and mimes pulling the trigger during a joint appearance recently. "Robert Kennedy was assasinated in June? How about I cap your ass?" Obama said to Clinton with a cold smile on his face. He then threatened to have "that lady in the sweatpants and yellow t-shirt" slap Bill around.
Within minutes Obama received word that he would receive all of the delegates from Florida and Michigan, as well as all remaining superdelegates.

Nebraska Department of Shady Revenue

The Nebraska Department of Revenue recently began a campaign to collect individual and corporate income taxes from trucking companies that pass through Nebraska, whether they actually do business here or not. I hope this doesn't catch on or the flood of tourists that come to Nebraska every year will be paying income taxes. And let's not forget about the planes that pass over the state.